Tag lack of communication

Resilience V – Missing Persons

Here is another example of a situation where I was somewhat confused by my (internal) emotional reaction.  First, let’s describe the adversity in a straightforward and objective manner:

Adversity: A resource on our team has been out of the office for an extended period of time and no communication has been made stating why.

Now let’s describe what I was really feeling at the time:

Belief: “Where is s/he?  I have a project schedule that has many overdue tasks and it’s frustrating there hasn’t been any real communication regarding her/his absence.  If communication is a highly valued competency, why isn’t anyone communicating?!”

Consequence: Some anger / frustration and sadness

This is interesting; frustration makes sense, but anger & sadness do not.  Because of this, let’s go through the Q&A format that I shared in an earlier example:

Question: Why does your colleague’s absence frustrate you?

Answer: I have some work that needs to be done and I don’t have the information I need.  While I was able to pull up with another resource, it would be helpful to know when s/he is returning to the office.

Question: What is the worst that can happen if you aren’t kept informed?

Answer: Ultimately, the project schedule won’t be updated and people will look to me for the answers.

Question: Let’s assume that people come to you looking for answers, why does that bother you?

Answer: At a basic level, it bothers me because I won’t be able to respond appropriately to their inquiries.  At a deeper level this bothers me because I could be adding greater value if I was serving in a different capacity, and thus I would not have to rely upon others to provide these updates to me.

As you can see here, while it initially appears that I am frustrated because I don’t know what is going on, what is really at play is my lack of control regarding the underlying effort.  My feelings of sadness (albeit minor) stem from being in a role that is separate and distinct from my true strengths and background.  In some respects, my colleague’s absence triggers feelings of inadequacy and loss.